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Fast-forward a little…

(I had give a shortened version of this because I could go into detail about soo much)

This is the last time Zach saw Hayden before we broke up….

Halloween 2010 015

To make a long story short…Zach and I broke up with me. It was an ugly break up on October 31, 2010. I didn’t want to break up with him, not because I still wanted to be with him but because I didn’t want to share Hayden. I felt like Zach was taking away my daughter. I didn’t want to do joint custody or anything. I know this probably does not make sense but its the way I felt. Even though I knew he was her dad…I still felt like she was being taken away from me.

He and I broke up, we didn’t talk for about 3 months while we started the legal process and communication was only through our attorneys. We were not able to contact each other. In the first 2 weeks of not being able to talk to him, I realized I loved Zach and he was the person I wanted to marry and grow old with. I know it was terrible timing but I couldn’t help what I felt.
Zach was furious with me, and he tried to move on with his life, however, I guess I was always in the back of his mind.
In February of 2011, Zach got his first parenting day. It was the first time I had seen him in over 3 months and not only was I dreading having to drop Hayden off (I had never left Hayden with anyone other than my mom for maybe a half hour) but I was dreading seeing Zach because I knew how hard it was going to be.
I went to drop Hayden off and I handed Hayden over to Zach and left. I started crying my eyes out leaving his house. I wasn’t even thinking about the fact that I just left Hayden, I was crying because I knew I wanted to be with him so bad. That’s all I wanted. But I didn’t think that would ever happen.
When I went to go pick up Hayden, she was so happy to see me. I buckled her up in her carseat and Zach started talking to me. He told me he had missed me, and I lost it again. I didn’t want to think about it because I didn’t want there to be hope in my heart that he and I would get back together. But he kissed me and I couldn’t say no.
This is the first day Zach got to see Hayden in about 3 months…
Hayden Feb 20 2010 005