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I never had the “talk”.
My parents never talked to me about sex. I barely remember my mom talking to me about periods. My mom said that when I was younger, she left books about sex out on the table, hoping I would ask questions. I never did. I don’t even remember my mom doing this. She apparently did this for my brothers and it opened doors for them to talk. But I never once talked about sex with my parents until about a week before or two before I got pregnant.
I had my annual exam with my pediatrician, yes I was still seeing my pediatrician at 16, and I thought I might have been pregnant already because Zach and I had already had sex and just used the “pull out method” and I was incredibly nervous. I was a few days late with my period and when I went to a regular pee in the cup test, just the ones pediatricians do, I realized I had just got my period. I was so relieved! So I went in to the exam room and my pediatrician starts asking my mom and I questions. He asked if my mom and I had the “birds and the bees talk.” My mom told him that yeah we did, and in my head I’m thinking, “No, we have not.” He asked about my periods and I told my pediatrician I wanted to go on birth control. I told him it was to regulate my periods, but I truly wanted it because I was already sexually active. I just didn’t have it in me to tell my mom. (FYI, I grew up in a very Christian based home, so I just assumed my parents fell under the “wait-until-you’re-married” group. Which I was correct)
Anyways, my mom said she wanted to speak with my dad about it before I could go on the pill. So she did, and my dad said, “Absolutely not!” (I would assume because my dad was against medicines and they probably thought it would be like they were giving me permission to have sex, they just didn’t know I already had.) And that’s the way it was going to be.
I remember asking my mom more intimate questions about her life on the way home from the doctor’s office to try to open up a conversation about sex. And my mom just told me she couldn’t answer my question. So I left it because I felt like she closed the door. It really bothered me that my mom wouldn’t even share her experiences with me. That everything had to be so secretive.
And a couple weeks later I was pregnant.
Please check out our website and it will give tips on how to talk to your kids about sex. It’s important.